Tension

I have had a lot on my mind recently. A lot of built up tension that just needs to be released.

I don't feel fulfilled in life lately. In most aspects of my life.

My career. I have been at my job for almost 10 years now. I work my butt off. I have put more blood, sweat and tears into this place than I ever thought I would. I have been here for almost 10 years and I have never been promoted. Ouch, that sucks to say out loud. Sure, there were others ahead of me that deserved it first and had more experience, but in the last few years, I know that I should have been promoted. I work extremely hard and don't get in trouble at work. Whereas, others have had huge strikes on their records and have gotten promoted. I feel like I am in a man's world and women here rarely get promoted. In 10 years, only two have been promoted and they are no longer here.

I am constantly told that I was #2 in the promotional opportunity and then when it comes around again, I don't get it. I just don't get this place.

Then I apply for other jobs at other places and I get calls back and opportunities to move on, but with a severe pay cut. I make a decent amount of money and it is hard to compete with it. I could take a small pay cut, but not the $10,000 to $15,000 some are offering. Woe is me and I need something. A promotion, a new job or a new outlook on my job.

My family. Oh how I adore my family and my life, but we have been wrecked with sickness all the time lately. It never seems to end. They get respiratory infections, bad colds, stomach viruses, rosella and hives. Isn't it summer? I thought we would have a break in the sicknesses for awhile. Not only does it consume my sick leave, but we are left with miserable babies, sleepless nights and so much worry. Have you stayed up all night in your children's room because you were so worried about the non-stop vomiting and one of them aspirating? I have. The worry is all consuming.

I am in desperate need of a weekend away with just my husband. No kids. I love my girls more than life itself, but we all need time to reconnect. Time to be husband and wife. Time to sleep in. Time to have peace and quiet when we eat out. Time to be young again without any extra worries.

And lastly, my self image. It's summer and I see so many of my friends flaunting their bodies. Sure some don't have kids and the battle scars that I am so proud of, but I just want to feel comfortable in my skin again. I work out at least three times a week. I have been running each of those days for 40 to 45 minutes and then doing weights. And when I am not at the gym, we take walks (when it isn't 100 degrees outside), I use my Simply Fit Board, stretch and do push ups at home. I have lost all the baby weight. That isn't the problem. I have loose skin on my stomach from carrying two beautiful babies. My butt isn't as toned and perky as it used to be and my boobs are so flat and saggy now.

I am proud of my body for what it has done and know that it takes time for your body to recover from it all. I guess I just get a bit jealous when I see how others bounce back so quickly. I will keep working out (because I love it so much and feel so good after), keep on complimenting myself and in time get those boobs perkier. Just gotta save up.

Thanks for letting me vent and put it all out there. It is hard to write emotional and raw posts like this, but when it builds up and bothers you so much, it is best to just get it out.

Weekending

It's Monday and I am way behind. I blame it on my super early business meeting. When you have clients overseas, sometimes you work really early.

Friday morning I got my hair done and it felt soooo good. I didn't go back to the ashy blonde color as it washed out of my hair way too quickly. Plus I think I do better with golden tones. So we added in my normal blonde highlights and then added in some golden low lights. Loving my hair right now.

Friday while at work, I received this little gem of my girls from daycare.

I worked until 5 pm which is really unusual for me, but it was so quite in the office. I went to go to the bathroom right before 5 pm and by the time I came back, our office was locked, lights were off and everyone was gone. Lesson learned, get out right before 5.

After work, I picked up the girls and we headed home for dinner and a long walk. The weather cooled down a bit, so it made for a nice walk.

We opted out of making dinner since we had such a big lunch with friends who were in town earlier that day.

Saturday morning we headed to breakfast in hopes that we would hit up Virginia City or the beach that afternoon. But as luck would have it, it was very windy and chilly. So we did things around the house, took a walk and tried to keep the girls calm. They napped a total of 20 minutes that day, so they were a force to be reckon with.

Miss grumpster trying to get some rest while cuddling with mommy

We did manage to go to Target for a few things and got take out that evening because once again we didn't want to cook.

Sunday morning we met up with my in-laws for breakfast. Right after, we headed home to grab the girls milk and headed to Graeagle for the day. Since the forecast was calling for more winds and highs in the 70s, we decided to go back to Graeagle. This time we were able to go to the shops, the park and some wine tasting.

We bought a bunch of things through the shops, but mostly just for the girls. We picked up the cutest clock for their room. And it feeds into my shark fear. Such a cute clock.

After some walking around and shops, we went to a local winery to sample their wines and walked out with three bottles. The girls were very good while we were tasting and everyone loved watching them. After wine, we headed to the park across the way and the girls ate some snacks and played. Rory and I were able to relax and watch the girls.

The girls got new hats in Graeagle (they are obsessed with hats lately)

Snacks in the park

It was getting closer to naptime, so we left the park and went to a local food truck for some snacks before heading back home.

The girls didn't take much of an afternoon nap which meant for a cranky Avery. One of the only things that calms her down is to vacuum. She loves the vacuum and following me around the house. So after vacuuming, I went to the grocery store and came home to feed the girls dinner and go for a long walk. After the girls went down, we grilled some tri-tip, steamed artichokes and made some rice. It was the perfect evening.

How was your weekend?

I am linking up with Biana from B Loved Boston.

Friday Favorites and Happenings

It's Friday and I am hitting the salon this morning for a fresh color. Give me all the blonde back please. And then I am heading into work like the professional that I am (read: not wanting to use annual leave).

So let's dive right into my Friday Favorites and Happenings.

One. When you receive a totally unexpected gift in the mail from Emily, a sweet blogger friend. Emily and I talk all the time through email and when I received this tumbler with my monogram, I was sooo excited. I have my coffee in it this morning and I am so thankful for my blogging friends. Thank you so much Emily!

Her sweet note to me!

Corkcicle Tumbler

Two. The Girl You Lost. Someone recommended this book recently to me (I forgot who. So sorry) and I was a little weary of reading it based on the premise, but I love a good psychological thriller. And since it was on sale on Amazon for $2.99 (Kindle version), I had to get it. I am about 15% through the book and it already has me hooked. I just hope it doesn't set the paranoia off in me. Have you read it?

source

Three. I have about three weeks left until my birthday and I have no clue what I want. Rory has been asking me for ideas and I am stumped. There isn't much that I really need or want right now. Maybe just some new clothes? So hard to figure this out as you get older.

Four. I am getting so excited about the upcoming football season. Both NFL and college. Sure my teams won't be THAT great, but I can't wait for the tailgating, football nights and letting the ladies experience one of my favorite past times (They went last year, but they are so much bigger and aware this year.). Preseason starts in 37 days for my Niners!

 Look how tiny my Niners babies were.

My Wolf Pack babies. I hope they are happy girls at the games this year. Can you believe how identical they look here?

Five. Speaking of football, I have been searching for new toddler gear and the Niners stuff kinda sucks. Why can't there be cute things? I am eyeing these two for the Wolf Pack games the girls will attend with us.

source

source

Does anyone know where I can get some cute Niners gear for my girls? They wear 24 months or 2T. Thanks.

I am linking up with Karli, April and Erica.

Confessional Thursday

It's time for a little confesh sesh. Grab the button below, write your confessions and come back to link up.

<div class="sparkles-and-lattes-button" style="width: 250px; margin: 0 auto;"> <a href="http://sparklesandlattes.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow"> <img src="http://i1061.photobucket.com/albums/t472/lmalex13/Confessional%20Thursday.jpg" alt="Sparkles and Lattes" width="250" height="250" /> </a> </div>

I confess that I haven't felt the need to blog that much this week. I don't know if it is the short work week, the lack of sleep from my girls being sick last week or summer. But my motivation hasn't been here all week.

I confess that I really want to go to the celebrity golf tournament again this year, but it conflicts with a wedding we are going to and it's right around the time my sister-in-law is due to give birth and we want to visit them after the baby is born. But I want to see Justin Timberlake again. Ugh. Such is the life.

I confess that I wish I was back in Mexico on the rooftop deck with a nice cold beer in my hand.

I confess that I finally finished OITNB season 4 yesterday and I was so sad. I won't spoil it for those who haven't finished it, but wow. So many thoughts and ideas with how season 5 will open up. Too bad that is a year away.

I confess that I really only get to watch my Netflix shows when I am at the gym. At this rate, I will be done with Gilmore Girls in a few years. Ha.

I confess that my hair looks like complete crap lately. If you remember about 6 weeks ago, I got it colored in an ashy bayalage blonde. Well now six weeks later, the color is basically gone and I have at least two inches of roots on each side of my head. There are not enough curls to cover this s*it up. I am so thankful for my morning hair appointment. Too bad I have to miss work in the morning to get it done and then work the rest of the day.

But I confess that I am super stoked to sleep in tomorrow since I have a morning appointment. Rory will take the girls to daycare and himself to work and I can sleep in an extra two hours. Oh how glorious that will be.

I confess that this weather is ruining our fun evenings. I love summer and the heat, but 90+ degrees is killing our evening walks. I would love for the weather to be in the 80s so we can take our evening walks, leave the windows open and not have so many fires around. California is on fire and the smoke drifts in every evening. We need to get outside more. Fire go away and bring back the 80s. Thank you.

I confess that my husband thinks I am weird since I refuse to weigh myself at the gym. I refuse to weigh myself at all and I hate when I go to the doctor's office and they put me on the scale. He always wants to know how his weight fluctuates and if he gained weight on a work trip or vacation, but I just go off how I look in the mirror. So much simpler and less painful seeing the scale. Plus they are always different depending on which scale you use.

I confess that I can't wait for my niece or nephew to arrive in about a week or so, so I can cuddle the new baby and get all those new baby smells. I have some mad baby fever, but just can't right now. NO way can we afford another right now. And the thought of twins again. Yikes. No thank you. One set is perfect.

And that's all I have time for and what my brain can actually produce right now.

What's Hap-Pinning

So I am a little late to the link up today, but I am here. I had planned on writing this post last night, but sleep won instead.

We are on the search for some beach gear for our girls, so I have been looking at wagons to carry our gear through the thick soft sand. So far I have it narrowed down to these two. Any feedback or reviews for these two you care to share?

MacSports Folding Beach Wagon source

Ozark Folding Beach Wagon source

And we are on the hunt for water shoes for the girls since the sand gets so hot. What are your experiences with kids and water socks? Have any to recommend? Here are a few that I am looking at.

Starbay Water Socks source

I have been wanting a beach/pool float for quite awhile. I have seen the flamingo and pizza ones all over IG and I am dying for one. Plus I can put my girls on it with me (and watch them, don't worry). Zulily had a sale on them about a week or two ago and I didn't look it up in time for the ones I wanted. So until then, I will dream about them.

source

After looking at beach stuff, I decided to start in on some camping stuff as we want to take the girls camping more and more. Right now, they sleep in my parents 5th wheel and Rory and I stay in a tent, but we do want them in a tent with us at some point. Especially if we camp without my family. I saw this toddler bed and it is on my wish list right now.

source

I am linking up with Jessi and Jenn today.

This post contains affiliate links.

Weekending

I hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July weekend. Ours was interesting to say the least. Not much went according to plan and I am completely exhausted from it all. Hoping this week is a little easier on us.

Let me back up to Friday. After work, Rory and I headed to Lake Tahoe to soak up some sun by ourselves. We went to Sprouts for lunch and then to El Dorado Beach for some sun. I haven't been to this beach in a long time, so we didn't know what to expect. It was quite different from the Nevada beaches we are used to. The sand is part dirt, the water isn't as crystal clear and it is very shallow until you get way out there (like three football fields out). But overall it was still a lot of fun and I got to rock my Strange Bikini.

 El Dorado Beach

You have to wait for a front view of my bikini because the owner forgot to sew in cups into the top which flattens me out more and another thing that I won't mention.

After the beach, we picked up the girls and headed home to play and rest. We put the girls down to bed, ordered some take out and caught up on some dvr'd shows.

Saturday morning we went out to breakfast and tried to take the girls to the park, but there was a foot race going on around there and it was chaos. We mostly played at home all day because Avery's fever subsided but she had a rash going on. Our first thoughts were rosella. 

That evening my in-laws came over to watch the girls so Rory and I could go to dinner and drinks with his best man (from our wedding) and his girlfriend. We took them to Brewer's Cabinet and were able to sit outside despite the smoke in the air from the California fires. We also took them to Saint James Infirmary for drinks on their rooftop. We had so much fun catching up with them.

When we got home, we were going to go to bed after my in-laws left, but Sutton decided to start throwing up for no reason. She threw up her dinner and continued to throw up all night. I actually slept on their alphabet foam pad that night because I didn't want her to aspirate since she was throwing up so often. We gave her a bath and then she took a shower with me as well. After that she only threw up small amounts that I could clean up with a towel. It was brutal. I think I slept an hour that night.

Sunday morning she woke up and everything was fine. She never ran a fever, she never threw up again and was soooo happy. Stomach bug or something? Rory made us breakfast and we hung out until we had to go to another friends house for a bbq. The girls had a great time hanging out with Tom's four girls and we ate some delicious food at the bbq.

The girls had so much fun that they fell asleep in the car about two minutes after we left. 

Monday we got up and took the girls to get bagels for breakfast. The girls did pretty good with them since they are chewy, but they didn't finish it. We wanted to go to the park again, but Avery's rash turned into welts and we think she got hives from the virus she experienced all week since Sutton never got it. But we wanted to make sure it was nothing contagious so we stayed at home most of the day. I did go to the grocery store, we did a bit of yard work and took an evening walk. And then my sister came over for dinner and we bbq'd at home....sausages, corn on the cob and caramelized onions with watermelon for dessert. 

We never got to the watermelon because Avery coughed and threw up and we had to give her another bath that evening. And since we were in their room cleaning up, it woke Sutton up. After Avery's second bath, we cuddled them in the front room until they fell asleep again. Sadly, we had to cut our evening short with my sister after that. Avery never threw up again and we aren't sure what it was from. Her welts are gone and she seems to be ok, grumpy but ok.

And since it was the 4th of July yesterday, dumb people were setting off fireworks all night and freaking Walter out. I am hoping for a good night's rest tonight without a panicked dog or sick baby. Please oh please get rid of the sickness already.

Overall, it was still a good weekend even though we were confined at home most of it. I hope to bring the girls to the beach this weekend and soak up more sun. How was your weekend?

I am linking up with Biana at B Loved Boston today. 

Friday Favorites and Happenings

It's finally Friday and I couldn't be happier. Yesterday we got to wear jeans to work (we only get casual Fridays) and so I thought it was Friday the first half of the day. Nope. Sucks when you realize you have to work all day and not sleep in the next day.

Anyways, I am linking up with Karli, April and Erica.

One. Thank you for all your kind words and ideas on what was going on with Avery. Her fever subsided by mid-morning so off to daycare she went. I was a bit worried since when I stopped over to tell them that Rory would bring them in later, another kid had just thrown up in one of the other rooms. Please oh please do not let our girls get that. They sanitized that room and the others after the throw up incident. Let's hope it was a fluke and Avery is ok...along with Sutton.

Two. We are hitting the beach after work today (half day Friday's!) sans babies. We are leaving them at daycare so mommy and daddy can hit the beach and not worry about lugging all the baby gear with us. Since we pay for a full day at daycare on Friday's, we might as well get use of it every so often. I can't wait to wear my new bikini and soak up the sun!!! Let's just hope everything goes according to plan in the next few hours.

Three. On Wednesday, I had my final appointment with doctor who did my umbilical hernia surgery back in February. He said my scar and belly button look really good. He made sure my abs were still closed, took some pictures, answered a few of my questions and sent me on my way. I asked him if I could start going back to yoga and doing planks as well and he told me that I could, but it will be uncomfortable for awhile. But it would just take time for my abs and core to get used to it, but there is nothing wrong with that. He said the chances of me ripping my abs or re-injuring my hernia are really slim now that I am 5 months out and how much I have healed. He also said my scar looked beautiful but if it raises in the future, be sure to use silicon bandages to bring it back down. Now I am free to pursue boobs later on!

My belly button as of 6/29 (I have an innie and the scar is minimal)

Before and After

Four. If I could spend more money at the amazing Loft sale (50% off and free shipping code: JULY4TH), I would get these four items. I need these, but my wallet says no and so does my husband.

 source

 source

 source

source

Five. Yesterday I sent out one of my favorite things to two amazing bloggers. I had a hard time narrowing it down to one favorite thing under $10, but I can't wait to do the link up and see what the ladies think and to receive two favorite items from other bloggers as well. I love blogger exchanges and I am thinking of doing one in the future. Way future, but is this something you would all want to participate in? Trying to gauge participation and if it is worth it. What do you think?

Well I am off to conquer Friday. Have a great weekend!