SOCIAL MEDIA

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

The Awkward Post

I am sorry in advance if this post is or gets awkward.  I told my husband I was going to write and document our entire fertility journey to which he wasn't that excited about it.  He supports my blog (and makes fun of it.  I'll show him), but told me to be careful about what I put on the internet.  I told him that I have read countless blogs relating to infertility, PCOS and baby making and they give me hope and a better understanding of what is going on in my body.  I want to do the same for others.  So I am putting it out there.

I told you all about my pending fertility appointment I had on Thursday.  Overall it went great.  My doctor was pretty awesome.  His name is Dr. Whitten (Scott Jason Whitten).  I wanted to ask him if he was related to Jason Whitten the tight end for the Dallas Cowboys, but my husband just shook his head at me.  Sorry babe.

We went over my husbands and my history in total detail.  Talk about it being awkward to tell your husband (who has asked me to be discreet in what I tell him.  No gross details.) how heavy your periods are or aren't, if you have painful periods, if you check your cervix position, if you check and document your cervical mucus (gross word again), about past procedures in detail (Leep procedure) and the list goes on.

He told us that he thought I do have PCOS, but wanted to do a blood test and ultrasound to confirm because I don't show the normal signs of PCOS.  Like any of them.  This gave me comfort since I didn't think I have PCOS.

He did an ultrasound on me where they stick the wand up your hooha and look around at your girly parts.  I know there is a technical term for this, but I don't want to look it up.  He showed us my cervix, uterus and the pathway the sperm travels.  He said everything was looking good so far.  He asked me where I was in my cycle which is post ovulation and this is where our first bad news came from.  He said my uterus lining should be thicker at this point in my cycle.  Like twice as thick (5mm to the usual 10 mm).  He said he could still conceive on this, but it makes it harder for the egg to attach.  First problem.

Then he moved on and showed up the top of the uterus.  He said it was a good thing he couldn't see the fallopian tubes because he if could, then they would be irregularly shaped which would other tests.  Then he found my right ovary very quickly.  He showed us some follicles (cysts) on that one, but far less than the time before.  He then had trouble finding the left one (same as the other doctor).  He had to push down on my stomach and move it into view and angle the wand in many directions.  It wasn't that painful, but it wasn't comfortable.  He finally found the ovary and again cysts, but less than before.  Since there are still cysts, he thinks PCOS, but wants my blood test results to confirm.  Second problem.

He then talked about genetics testing now instead of later to see if Rory and I carry two different chromosomes linked to cystic fibrosis and another one (so bad with disease names).  That is a scary thought.  Good news is, my mom said it isn't carried on either of my parents side, so she thinks we will be ok.  Please be ok.

Then they drew several viles of blood for hormone testing, blood panel, genetics testing and another test.  Then I had to pee in a cup.  Just lovely.  My husband got away with one vile and a pee test.  Lucky.

He told us our upcoming plan and I am excited, but scared at the same time.  I will go into the doctor's office next week when good ole Aunt flow comes (unless I am pregnant).  They will do an ultrasound, more blood work and then prescribe me Clomid.  I will take the Clomid on the prescribed days.  I will continue to use my ovulation kits and come in for an ultrasound around cycle day 15.  This is where they will check the follicle size (egg size).  It needs to be over 18mm (I believe or close to) for ovulation.  If I haven't gotten a positive ovulation strip by the time my follicle is the right size, they will do a trigger shot to release my egg on the day it is ready.  When I get close to my ovulation time or the trigger, like the day before, my husband will put his sperm in a cup (nicest way to say it) and they will wash it and prep it.  Once they do the trigger or my natural ovulation occurs, they will artificially inseminate me (IUI).

IUI is done by sticking a catheter into my uterus and put all the spermies in there.  Instead of the usual 100 sperm that make their way to the fallopian tubes (on average) due to the travel through the cervix, there will be over 40,000 sperm making their way to my freshly release egg.  I hope it works.

And now my insurance progress.  I changed insurances due to fertility treatment not being covered and the cost of delivering a baby was only a few hundred dollars difference on each plan.  I figured (with the help of my insurance plan providers) that having a HSA card and my husband having one, it would be cheaper over the course of the year rather than the higher monthly premium.  I signed up for the change in early May (deadline was end of May).  Then yesterday I was told that there was an amendment to the plans and now the HMO would cover 6 IUIs completely plus other tests.  They won't cover IVF, but IUIs and that is what we are doing.  I was really upset by this.  You mean I now have to pay $400 to $800 each time (sometimes could be more depending on the amount of ultrasounds) when they could be covered and it was changed with no notice and less than 2 weeks before the deadline?

I couldn't sleep that night I found out.  I was really angry and upset.  But Friday morning I called and since I changed my plan, I hadn't submitted one last piece of documentation on my beneficiary change.  So my plan change was still pending approval.  They talked to the eligibility staff and said they could cancel my change, but only because it hadn't been approved.  If it had, they couldn't do anything.  So we are good to go.  We will stick with my same plan I had this last year, but higher monthly premiums and get up to 6 IUIs.  So happy.  And the cost to have a baby is only $200 more, but I get all of the IUIs and follow ups paid for.  Such great news.

Now to get pregnant.  Stay tuned for an update on the next steps.
Tuesday, June 10, 2014

I Fear

 
 image via

Two nights I had a dream or what I recall as being very real life scenario.  I was down right scared when I woke up (I swear I wasn't sleeping, but I was) and I couldn't get back to sleep.  Hence why I was beyond tired yesterday.

Last week I was reading Raven's post about her fears in life.  I was reading this nodding my head because I too torture myself with thoughts of something farfetched happening to me.  Sometimes these aren't so farfetched.  She gave an explanation about a killer escaping from a county fair.  He had killed an elderly woman and was put in a metal institution.  They sometimes let patients into public and this was one of the cases.  The guy escaped and was thought to be headed towards her hometown.  She tortured herself with the thoughts he would come to her door

I did this to myself in college.  There was a guy prowling around campus sneaking (I called it breaking in) into rooms of college students and either just watching them or pleasuring himself in there.  Everyone knew that these would escalate into something else which there are thoughts that he is the same guy who killed Briana Denison, James Biela (here in Reno, Nevada).  He had preyed on others before killing Denison and some think he started off with this disturbing behavior.

Anyways, I knew since I lived near campus (right next to it), he was going to stalk my room next.  I lived next to campus in an old sorority house with 7 other people.  Yes 7, it was hectic and not that great.  I lived on the bottom floor with another girl and I always told her he was going to come into our house and kill me.  It could definitely happen since we fit the profile, our house was rarely locked with that many roommates and I am a total worrier.  Well luckily it never happened, but the incidents did escalate.  Sadly.

But getting back to my dream last night.  I woke up (but thought this was really happening) screaming at the top of my lungs scurrying to my side of the bed and almost falling out of bed.  I swore I saw a man standing there getting ready to kill my husband, my dog and myself.  I can even tell you what he was wearing and what he looked like.  I thought we were being robbed and murdered right then and there.  My husband had to grab me and bring me back to reality.  I was crying, my heart was pounding and I was scared.  This has happened to me about three times in my life.  All of them seemed so real.  I guess this is one of my biggest fears.  Someone breaking into my house to come kill me.  Twisted little mind I have. 

So I am taking cue from Raven and listing out my other fears.

- Death by a shark.  More specifically death by a great white shark.  I feed my fear and watch anything and everything shark related.  I record as much of Shark Week as I can and watch in fear.  I need to know everything and anything to prepare for a shark attack.  Especially since I go in the ocean maybe twice a year.

- Home invasion.  I grew up watching Unsolved Mysteries and fearing that someone would break into my house to steal everything, tie me up and either kill me or torture me.  I pictured it happening over and over and would check the doors and freak out when I was alone as a kid.  This one has sadly became true, but we were not home.  Our house was broken into in June 2011 while we were at work.  Probably why I had that dream two nights ago.

- Driving and something falls off a truck, crashes through my windshield and kills me.  We have all seen it happen on Final Destination.

- Death in general.  Have you ever sat there and thought about the reality of life and death?  You are only on this earth for X number of years and then you are gone.  Then you don't exist anymore and the world still goes on without you.  Your existence will never be again and our lives are just too short.  Scary thought.

What are you fears?  Am I the only one with these crazy thoughts?  I promise tomorrow's post will be more uplifting.
Monday, June 9, 2014

The Weekend

It is Monday which means the usual weekend update.  My weekend was great, but I have very little photos to document it.  It was full of the beach, many walks, crafting and shopping.  So let's dive right in.

Friday
I worked and then I got my car windows tinted.  Finally.  They look amazing, but I hate that you can't roll down your windows, touch your windows or do anything to them for three days.  Small price to pay.  Since we didn't have any Friday night plans, my husband and I decided it was a good time for a movie.  A matinee at that.  We saw Chef.  It was really good.  If you love food, a great story and father/son bonding, then this movie is for you.  We loved it.  Plus it is written, directed and stars Jon Favreau.  Go see it.

Then we had dinner outside at the Wild River Grille.  It was a gorgeous, warm evening.

Saturday
My day started off early with a pancake breakfast with my husband.  Then he went off on a long bike ride up in the mountains.  My mother-in-law picked me up and we headed out for some shopping and crafting time.  We are putting together a few crafts for my sister-in-laws wedding next week.  Let me just say the mason jars ended up cute and easier than I thought.
  Tutorial here.

We will use the mason jars for flowers and candles.  We have a few other designs, but I will show off those after the wedding.

Saturday night was relaxing aka we didn't do a darn thing other than eat dinner.

Sunday
It was in the 90s in Reno, so we knew Lake Tahoe was our best option.  It was 82 degrees in Tahoe yesterday.  We wanted to go to a different beach since we couldn't bring Walter on this trip.  He loves the windows open, loves to lick them and put his nose all over them, so he couldn't go due to my newly tinted windows.

We went to Sand Harbor.  I haven't been to this beach in a few years, so we forgot how close of a walk it is from car to beach, how soft the sand is and the lack of rocks in the shallow waters.  It was a great day.
Sand Harbor's Best View

Sunday evening was a mix of me grocery shopping while the husband and Walter took a long walk through the meadows, cooking dinner and another evening walk.  It was the perfect end to an amazing weekend.
Friday, June 6, 2014

Friday's Confessions

It felt really good to take yesterday off for our fertility doctor appointments, but now I am going to be up in my insurances business today because they have really screwed me over. More on that later.

Thankfully it is Friday because I can barely keep my head off my desk. Walter decided he wanted to bark at something outside at three in the morning and keep us up all night. Thanks pup.

So I am going to keep this short and sweet.  I have phone calls to make people.

Friday's Confessions:

I confess that I am beyond upset with my insurance company.  They didn't cover fertility treatment except the initial visit, so I changed coverages.  The changed coverage also didn't cover treatment, but gave us a health savings card.  Well guess what.  They did an amendment less than two weeks before open enrollment ended and now allow treatment.  This was after I already changed coverages.  Now I have to fight the insurance company today and hope they don't change my plan since it doesn't start until July 1st.  Please oh please let someone be nice and help us out here.  Otherwise, we need some cash-ola pronto.

I confess that I am beyond excited for Colin Kaepernick and his amazing football deal.  Not only is he my Niners quarterback, but he went to Nevada (where I went) and he is very talented.  Now that you have made it BIG TIME, please donate back to the university.  The university that took a chance on him when no one else would.
via From signing with the only school to offer me a scholarship to this!

I confess that I am more upset about this pending senior agent promotion than I have let on.  I just know they will give it to someone else.  Mainly a guy who is older than me.  Guessing we will find out today and it will rain on my parade even more.

I confess that the only thing I want to eat right now is a fat cupcake and a nice glass of wine.  For breakfast.  This coffee isn't doing it for me.
 via
 
I confess that is was just a bit awkward telling the doctor and my husband all the intimate details regarding periods, cervical mucus (there is that gross word again) and having my husband sit next to me while I was half naked, legs spread and an ultrasound wand up my hooha.  Just lovely.

I confess that I bought three pairs of shorts and a button up shirt from J Crew on Wednesday (it was a 30% off deal day) that my husband doesn't know about.  Now before anyone gets on my case.  No I don't have to run my purchases by my husband, but he has taken notice to quite a few more packages showing up on our doorstep.  I think I need online shopaholics.

Have a great weekend all and send positive thoughts my way please.

Venus Trapped in Mars
Wednesday, June 4, 2014

My Summer Essentials

I keep saying it in practically every post, but I am so excited that the summer months are finally here.  We have been in the 80s practically everyday for a couple of weeks (a few drops here and there) now and it is finally time to break out my bikinis, sun dresses, shorts and sunscreen.

Here are a few basics that help me through each Nevada summer.

Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Dry-Touch sunscreen.  I used to only wear SPF 8 sunscreen.  You know the one in the brown bottle that smells like coconut.  I tan easily and never thought skin cancer was a big deal.  That was until my friend had a huge chunk taken out of her leg for skin cancer.  My go to sunscreen is Neutrogena Ultra Sheer.  I love how smooth and light it feels.  I hate the greasy stinky feeling some sunscreens give you, but this one has powered me through Mexico, Hawaii and Lake Tahoe.

Banana Republic Sara Double-Bow Fedora - I bought this fedora in a darker brown a couple summers ago and I wear it everywhere during the summer.  Especially to Lake Tahoe.  It is breathable, cute, hides your wind blown hair (fine hair and wind don't mix well) and looks good on just about anyone.

Ralph Lauren Women's Aviator Sunglasses (Gold) - I love these sunglasses.  Now I know sunglasses are different for everyone based on your face shape, but I love these.  They look good on most people, comfortable, look great with the above fedora, strong and lasting.

Victoria Secret Very Sexy Bandeau Top and Ruche Hipkini - I own a bunch of these bikinis.  They were a godsend last year when I didn't want any string tan lines.  I wore a strapless wedding dress and these were the perfect solution to no tan lines.  Or you could go topless.  But these are comfy, they stay up on the good ole boobs and are very flattering.  Do I look as good as this Photoshopped model, nope, but I think they are still very flattering.

 J Crew 3" Chino Shorts - I bought these shorts last year with a gift card my husband got me and I never turned back.  Sure they are on the more expensive side, but they last.  They haven't faded, are comfortable, long enough to not be booty shorts (because let's be real, I am not in my 20s anymore) and a great material.  I love them so much that I just bought three pair this morning for my upcoming vacation.  Sshh don't tell my husband.

What are your summer essentials?

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Let's Make a Baby

I have talked about my struggles with getting pregnant a few times, but always felt that I should hold back more because I know there are many women out there who have been trying way longer than we have (10 months), have worse diagnosis than we do and probably want children even more than we do.  And believe me, we want children more than anything in this life, but how far will we go?

I, in a pretty emotional state (really experiencing PMS for the first time courtesy of metformin) asked my husband how far he would want to go if we can't get pregnant naturally.  Heck, we aren't even doing the natural thing right now.  Have sex and boom pregnant.  Not happening for us.

My husband pretty much blurted out that he didn't want to do IVF, he would rather adopt because he doesn't want to spend his life savings trying to have a baby.  Umm, I had to inform him that the price of both is closer than he thinks.  I was devastated.  I wanted to try everything and anything possible.  Just a note, after thinking about IVF for awhile, I agree with him.  For now.

I told him about all my obsessive research on things we can do from now until we just don't want to try anymore.  We have agreed on a few things we would try.  I am not saying we will actually do them, but they are in the yes pile.

1.  Fertility meds like Clomid and Femara.  You basically take one pill a day for cycle days 2 - 6, 3 - 7, or whatever your doctor tells you to do.  It helps you have larger follicles and ovulate stronger.  We have a few friends who have succeeded in this approach.

2.  Hormone injections.  In conjunction with the fertility meds, you can have the hormone hcg injected in your thigh or butt near your ovulation time.

3.  Test for any blockages in the fallopian tubes (hsg test).  A dye is injected into a catheter and monitored through x-ray to see if there are any blockages in the fallopian tubes and/or uterus.

4.  Intrauterine insemination (IUI).  A doctor places the washed sperm directly into the uterus increasing the changes of fertilization.  It is way cheaper than IVF as there is no manipulation to a woman's eggs.

5.  Ovarian drilling.  This is where the doctor goes in laparoscopically and "drills holes" in the ovaries to help trigger ovulation.

Now I don't know which if any treatments my fertility doctor will recommend on Thursday, but it did feel good to get it out there on how far we would be willing to go.

I really do hope that we don't have to do anymore than what we already have and we can conceive this baby on what we have done so far.  So here is to my last more natural (supplements only) approach to conceiving working.  And if it doesn't work, then get ready for more posts about my continued journey to conceiving and fertility treatment.
Monday, June 2, 2014

Warm Summer Weekend

Is it really Monday again?  After a long last weekend (4 days off), this weekend flew by in an instant.  Plus I had to work all day Friday and that was torture.  But this weekend was pretty amazing, and I am really loving the warm summery weather.  Summer and June are finally here and I couldn't be happier.  We have weddings, vacations and trips to the beach in the calendar.

But let me get back to the weekend.  As you all know, I worked all day Friday which threw off my entire day.  I didn't get any errands done that I needed to (drop off paperwork for our fertility appointment, oops) nor did I do my last Pilates Summer Series .  You best bet I will finish tonight plus start over.  I love this series and want to continue to do it on days I can't make it to the gym.  Like tonight since it is my father-in-laws birthday celebration.

Friday night my husband and I went on a mini date night.  We went to one of my favorite restaurants Campo and it was fantastic as always.  We shared this amazing warm golden beet salad with goat cheese and balsamic onions.  I need to recreate this salad.  Then I had the spinach-herb gnocchi with mushrooms, spinach and this mascarpon etruffle cream sauce.  Oh I could eat that everyday, every meal.
 
My husband had Squid Ink Taglioni which was good, but mine was to die for.  I wish I had a plate for breakfast right about now.  Again, I am always hungry.

But dinner wouldn't be complete without the best dessert I have ever had.  And if you know me, you know I love cheesecake and cupcakes, but this takes the prize by a landslide.  If you are ever in Reno, please go to Campo, even if it is just for this dessert.
The Caramel Budino - chocolate wafer crunch, salted caramel and whipped cream.

I may have had one of these by myself more times than I can count.  Maybe.

Saturday morning was tough and neither Walter nor I wanted to get out of bed.  It was so bad for Walter that he kept climbing under the covers while Mommy was getting ready.
That little lump is Walter

But as you saw, I did get out of bed to write a post about my guest post on September Farm.  Thank you for all of my new followers and lovers of my stories.  I have a few more posts coming featuring some of the other stories I mentioned, so get ready for that.

And I also said I was going to Garwoods for a wet woody, and that we did.  But first, R talked me into getting a boba tea.  It wasn't that hard of a sale.
Cantelope boba tea smoothie
I may have had two of these babies.  Left: Prickly Pear Woody.  Center: Menu of Wet Woodys.  Right: Original Wet Woody.

Plus the view was beyond beautiful.  We always seem to score the seats right by the water in the beautiful sunshine.  It was a nice 72 degrees.  I couldn't have asked for a better day.

We drover through King's Beach and stopped at a doggie treat store to buy Walter treats because he is spoiled and deserves them.  Then we headed to some bbq and a scenic drive home.  Great little Saturday.

Sunday I watched my husband, Dad and Dad's best friend try to fix out sprinkler system.  Not fun, they all got frustrated and it will have to be finished in two weeks.  Then it was onto boring Sunday chores....laundry, vacuum, dust, cooking and grocery shopping.  But we did get in a nice walk with Walter and then did a bunch more gardening.  Four new tomato plants planted and harvested some veggies.

This little dude did get a bath last night and I think he was too tired to fight it.  But now he smells so good, is so soft and cuddly.  It was worth it buddy.

Well that wraps up my weekend.  Hope you enjoyed yours.