Birth Trauma

Since I am out of town for work and I never shared this on my blog (only at Whitney's blog, Work It Mommy), I thought now was as good of a time as any.

Immediately after getting married, we started trying to have a baby. After a few months, it wasn't working. So I started reading books on getting pregnant and fertility. I started using opks (ovulation predictor kits), tracking my cycles and taking prenatal vitamins. A few months later and still nothing was working. So we started seeing a fertility specialist and he determined (through ultrasound) that I had PCOS. My husband's sperm was also tested. I started taking metformin and the side effects were harsh. Plus it made my cycle way longer making me think I was pregnant when I wasn't.

After two months, nothing had changed, so we decided we (with the help of my fertility doctor) were going to try IUI (interuterine insemination). I was to call my doctor once I got my period to start clomid and start the whole process. I had an ultrasound around 8 days post ovulation and said to come back in a week or so when I would start my period.

Well it never came and I took a pregnancy test thinking it was the metformin again. But I was pregnant. How could this be? My doctor said it was a very slim to none chance of it. We had an ultrasound at 6 and 8 weeks and baby was looking great. So I was switched to see my midwife and at 10 weeks, she confirmed that I was pregnant, but pregnant with TWINS.

 

From there it was a whirlwind. We saw our new doctor (since my midwife couldn't deliver our twins) and a perinatologist (high risk doctor) through my pregnancy. We found out we were having identical girls when I was 18 weeks.

At 33 weeks, just a couple days after Christmas, I went into early labor. I tried to deny it because I started labor the day after Christmas, but ignored it until another two days later. I was in so much pain that I knew we had to go to the ER.

After arriving at labor and delivery, they got me hooked up to the monitors and checked me. I was a 4 to 4 1/2 cm. They did an ultrasound of the girls and baby A was head down and baby b was transverse. She was in my ribcage laying sideways. They monitored me over the course of an hour and with no change in the positioning. And at this point I was at a 9 to 9 1/2 cm. I felt every second of pain and every contraction (which were right on top of each other).

At this point, I felt like I needed to push, but they told me I couldn't and they recommended an emergency c-section because baby b was transverse and it would be hard to turn her if she didn't turn herself. You can't pull a preemie baby's legs to get them to turn. I could have birthed baby A vaginally, but would have most likely had baby b c-section. After many tears and hesitation on my part, I went in for a c-section. Emergency.

After I got my spinal, was moved to the operating table and they started, my husband was brought in. He told me that he never wanted to look over the sheet if I ended up c-section, but when the time came, he wanted to look. And I am glad he did because he was able to capture the girls being born.

Baby A, Sutton, entered the world at 2:37 am on December 29, 2014. She was crying and beautiful as ever. Baby B, Avery, followed her seconds later at 2:37 am on December 29th. She cried a little, but had to be stimulated because she wasn't reacting very well to being outside the womb.

While both girls were being monitored and their umbilical cords being cut by my husband, I was being worked on. It was time to deliver my placenta, but it broke inside of me. Once they got my placenta out, they pulled my uterus out and started massaging it trying to get it contract. They were massing it for a long time and at one point mentioned a hysterectomy if it wouldn't contract soon.

I started to go in and out of consciousness. I was losing a bunch of blood, over 2 liters to be exact, and the anesthesiologist kept giving me shots in my shoulder and put another ivy in my right hand (already had one in my left hand). I must have had at least 10 or more shots in my shoulder.

I closed my eyes and remember saying/thinking, I am going to die. I have never felt so scared in my life. I have never felt so weak in my life. I felt like I was slipping away. I was unconscious at one point and my anesthesiologist kept waking me up saying I needed to stay with him. I knew I was going to die and leave my husband with two brand new babies. Babies that would have to be in the NICU. All the while, my husband is watching. He watched me lose a lot of blood and his babies are about to be wheeled off to the NICU.  

The anesthesiologist told him he needed to go to the NICU with the babies. I remember hearing this and my husband asking if he should go or stay with me. The anesthesiologist told him to go.

They worked on me for a long time and were eventually able to get my uterus to contract before having to take it out. Thank you Jesus. I am so happy they saved it because we may want more children and I want that option. I am so grateful the doctors did everything they could to save me and my uterus.  

I had to have a blood transfusion due to the amount of blood loss. I will spare the photos that show the wall of bloody cloths they used on me since it is pretty graphic, but know there was 16 bloody cloths on a pocket wall.  

Once my husband was in the NICU with the girls, he was told that I was in recovery and they saved my uterus.

The delivery was over and it was time to enjoy our babies. My girls spent 26 and 27 days in the NICU. Everyday I would travel to the hospital, after I was discharged, twice a day to spend time with my girls. I didn't get to process my labor and delivery. I stayed strong for my girls and pushed through the physical and mental pain that I had experienced. 

I asked my husband questions about what happened from day one, but I didn't get all the answers until weeks later. It was traumatic for him as well. 

I know I didn't deal with my traumatic birthing experience like I should have. I did ask the questions, but I tried to block it out. But as the months went by, it hurt me more and more. I cried anytime I thought about my experience. I tried to rationalize it. I said it was normal. But in all reality, it isn't normal and I almost died. I almost lost my life giving birth to the two best things that have ever happened to me. 

I didn't get postpartum depression, but what I had was the aftermath of a traumatic birth. I spent many days and nights crying over my experience. Every time I pass the hospital, I get anxious and upset because it brings back the memories. I never got the beautiful vaginal birthing experience that I hoped and dreamed about. I never got pictures with my girls right after birth (not even the ones beside my head after a c-section). I never got the skin to skin with my twins right after birth. I laid there helpless, losing a lot of blood, going in and out of consciousness and almost dying.

Over the last 15 months, I have learned ways to cope with my traumatic birth. First, please talk to someone, anyone about your thoughts and feelings. Whether it is a therapist, your partner/spouse, a friend or your mother. It feels good to talk about the experience. You will shed tears and hurt, but talking about it will get it out there. Ask the questions to anyone who was there during your birth trauma. Get your answers so you can be at peace in your mind.

Write about it. Without my blog and my personal journal, I wouldn't have been able to articulate my thoughts and feelings on the experience. Seek out other women who have had a birthing trauma. Read their stories and get some comfort that you are not alone. 

And drive by the hospital or visit the hospital in your own time. Since giving birth to my girls, I spent 27 days there visiting them in the NICU. And once they were out, I came back to donate their preemie and newborn clothes to the NICU when they grew out of them. We have had doctor appointments there. I have had three surgeries since they were born and every one of them has been at the hospital they were born at. I have walked those halls to get a sense of relief and closure. It helps. Each time it got easier and easier to be there.  

Join a moms group. Either local or online. I am part of a twin mom group on Facebook that is local, and I find that I can relate my experiences, get advice and help when I need it.

Please feel free to email me if you have any questions or comment below.

Baby Registry Must Haves and a Baby Shower Gift Basket

This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #NurseryMusts   #CollectiveBias

I haven't spilled the beans yet (on here), but my sister-in-law is pregnant with her first child and she is due in July. We are over the moon excited for her and her family.

Since she is a first time mom, she wasn't too sure on what she really needs versus what is a luxury item. She lives in the city, in an apartment and doesn't have much room. She needs to be prudent in what she chooses. Since I have two little ones and space is limited when you have two, she asked me for help with the MUST HAVE items for her registry list.

I have complied a list of my top registry items from my favorite store Target, and some of these items will be making an appearance in her baby shower gift basket. We all know my love affair for Target and it's easy one stop shopping.

Bottles
I have spent more time and money on bottles than I care to admit. Since my girls were preemies, spent time in the NICU and had latch issues, we only breastfed for a short time. We relied on bottles to give them my breast milk and then formula. My girls were a little gassy from drinking milk from the bottle, so we were always searching for bottles designed to reduce gas and Colic. With the Playtex VentAire Bottles, it has a vent on the bottle that reduces indigestion and it sits at an angled position to promote an upright feeding feeling which is said to prevent ear infections. This is something I want to share with my sister-in-law in hopes she doesn't have to buy a bunch of wasteful bottles.

I found the Playtex VentAire Bottles down the bottle and bottle accessories aisle. 

I recommend getting two sizes (6 oz and 9 oz), so you do not have to run out during the first few months when it is hard to get out of the house and go buy those coveted items.

Bottle Accessories
Along with the bottles comes the accessories. You will want extra nipples, a bottle cleaning brush, a bottle/accessories drying station and a bottle cleanser.

Diaper Genie
When you have one, two, three or more little ones, you need something to keep that pesky smell away that comes along with changing diapers. Enter the Diaper Genie Diaper Pail Complete. The Diaper Genie has been around forever and was always the brand my friends and mom recommended when keeping the stink away. The charcoal filter combined with the airtight lid prevents odors from escaping. The bags are made with a 7-layer plastic which controls the smell as well. Plus the pail holds 270 dirty diapers! When you live in a small apartment and don't have the time to run out to the trash can each time you change a diaper, the Diaper Genie will save you that precious time and the smell.

I found my Diaper Genie Complete down the aisle with diaper changing items and baby monitors.

Diapers
We all know that diapers are a must have and stocking up on them is essential. At my baby shower, my mom did a diaper raffle. Basically, this is where you bring a sleeve of diapers and you are given a raffle ticket to win prizes. This is an easy way for the parents to be to stock up on diapers and different varieties because you never know which ones will work for your little one. We tried three brands and found the ones that work perfect for us. Request newborn, size 1, 2 and even 3. 

Pacifiers
Some people are against pacifiers, but I found that they were a lifesaver with my girls. The NICU used them to help the girls learn to suck, swallow and breathe at the same time and we still use them. They help soothe your baby when they are fussy, at nap time and when they sleep at night. I would recommend getting 2 to 4 per baby. Just in case you lose or misplace one.

A Good Set of Nail Clippers
We have gone through two pairs of nail clippers and I can not stress enough that you need a quality pair of baby nail clippers. Spend the extra few dollars and get a quality pair. I found that clipping the babies nails was easier and less time consuming than filing them down.

Swaddle Blankets
We used swaddle blankets from day one. The NICU nurses taught us how to swaddle the girls and we never turned back. We still use the swaddle blankets, but now as blankets that the girls take to daycare to cuddle with. They are soft, stretchy and last forever. I can't wait to help teach my sister-in-law to swaddle her new bundle of joy. 

Some other registry essentials to add to your list:
A stroller
Baby carrier
Car seat
Car seat cover
Compact changing table
Changing pad
Changing pad covers
Waterproof pad (to go over the changing pad cover, so you don't have to change the cover as often)
Clothes (zip up sleepers, onesies and a few outfits)
Crib (mini crib if you are in a small apartment), bassinet or co-sleeper
Crib mattress
Crib sheets
Baby laundry detergent
Light and white noise sound machine
Baby shampoo/body wash
Baby bath
Washcloths
Baby towels
Wipes

When you are putting your basket together, consider the gender (we don't know my sister-in-laws), space and overall feel you want to create. First, gather or buy a basket that is big enough to fit your items. Next, fill your basket with the items making sure you can see all of the items. Finally, add a gender specific ribbon or a gender neutral bow to complete the look.

 Diapers, Up and Up Baby Wipes, Pacifier, Playtex VentAire Bottles

All of these items can be found in the infant/toddler section at Target.

Did I forget any baby registry essentials? If you're shopping for a first time mom, don't forget to add the Diaper Genie Complete and Playtex VentAire Bottles to your shopping list!

The Girls are 4 Months!

I can't believe it...my precious baby girls are 4 months old (as of yesterday). Time really does fly. It feels like we just brought them home from the NICU. They have changed so much in the last month, heck the last week. I fall in love with my babies more and more everyday and I now understand when people say you love them more and more each day.

Love these cute babies.

nicknames: Avery: Avery Girl, Avey, Turkette  Sutton: Sutton Muffin, Sutte, Turkette , Little Miss

weight: The girls have their 4 month appointments come this Monday, so we will see at that time. But we do know Sutton weighed 9 pounds 11 ounces on Tuesday because Little Miss got pink eye. First week at daycare and she gets a cold followed by pink eye. My poor baby girl. Plus grandma got pink eye from giving Sutte so many kisses on Saturday. Avery I am sure weighs over 10 pounds. They both finally have some chunk on their legs and getting those precious chubby cheeks.

sleep: They were both doing so well until Sutton got sick. Then Sutton didn't want to sleep that much and kept waking Avery up. But last night they both did an amazing job and slept from 9 pm to 4:15 am in their cribs. I call that a win. And after that they slept a little longer just in our room. Keep this up babies!

eats: The girls are eating machines. Don't mess with their feeding times or they get cranky. They take after their dad in that manner. Last month the girls were eating 85 (S) to 90 (A) mils per feeding and now Sutton takes down 115 mls and Avery takes down 120 mls.
 
loves: They still love their new Wubba Nubs. And so does mommy and daddy. They love kicking their feet, sitting in their bumbo, playing in their jumper and their new kick n play bouncer. The girls are constantly moving and I hope they roll over soon. They really love their milk, snuggles, smiling, cooing, making faces, hands, standing up, sitting and looking at everything.

dislikes: Bath time has been harder on them lately. We switched back to their tub in the sink, but I think they enjoy baths more when I get in there with them. That way they have some skin to skin time and stay warm in the water. They hate when we don't feed them on time. Mega meltdowns can ensue. They also hate being sick. It is the hardest thing to watch your babies be sick, cry and not be able to do much for them. Breaks my heart. So happy they are both getting better.

The girls are smiling all the time and talking up a storm. They can't get enough coos in which melts mommy and daddys heart. Now only if we get can them to say mamamama or dadadada. They recognize us when we pick them up at daycare now. They get really excited and kick their legs. So cute.

They are grabbing everything they can. Mostly mommy's hair and clothes with a death grib. Tummy time has become a favorite and usually will calm them down now. Their neck strength is awesome and they are almost rolling over. So happy their teacher at daycare encourages them to do these things.

The girls got amber necklaces this weekend because they may be teething soon. They are drooling up a storm and have some whitness on their gums. I think the girls might be ready for some real foods (rice and maybe some veggies). They say if their are mouthing and imitating you while you eat, they may be ready. My girls have been doing this for a few weeks now, but we want to wait to ask the pediatrician what she thinks.

The girls are constantly eating their hands, grabbing their feet an looking around. When they get super excited, they arch their backs and move around a ton. I can't wait to see what this next month holds for my sweet girls.

 Mommy's sweet girls finally fit in their 0 to 3 month and 3 month clothing!

I am finally gathering all the girls newborn clothes (which have been washed), so I can take them down to the NICU at Renown. People were super generous to our girls and we want to give back too. So we are donating all their clothes there, hopefully this weekend.

My Maternity Leave is Coming to an End

I can't believe I only have 2 1/2 weeks left at home with my baby girls. The time has flown by in an instant it seems. Even those tough days flew by.

I will be going back to work on April 20th and I am having mixed feelings about it. One moment I wish more than anything that I could be a stay at home mommy. And then the next I am ready to go back to work.

I crave the adult interaction and some freedom (like going to the bathroom without babies screaming for me), but I will miss their sweet faces all day. I don't know how new mommies do it. I know this though, I will be at the daycare everyday that first week during lunch (the daycare is across the street from my work) to see them. I haven't been away from them for more than 2-3 hours at a time except my one night hospital stay, and that was really HARD.

How do moms cope with going back to work and not being with their babies? Did you pumping/supply go down when you went back to work? Any tips or tricks to keep your supply up?

Also, the list of things the girls need for daycare is insane, but reasonable I guess. But times that by two? Ouch. Two more sets of sheets, boxes of diapers, more bottles, wipes in a hard case, Aquaphor, pacis, milk, blanket (if wanted), 2 to 3 changes of clothes per baby and sunscreen (for summer outtings).

Hopefully they give us report cards for the babies and keep us posted on their schedule. I am hoping the girls get a better schedule for napping down. Right now they sort of nap opposites of each other except the later afternoon nap.

Any ideas or suggestions on how to make transitioning back to work and daycare easier for mommy and babies?

Butler Babies are 3 Months

It's that time again...3 month baby update. Can you believe my babies are 3 months already (just a few days over as I can't seem to get their post up on time)? Where has the time gone?

nicknames: Avery: Avery Girl, Avey, Turkette  Sutton: Sutton Muffin, Suttey, Turkette , Little Miss

weight: Well the last time the girls were weighed was March 26th and Avery weighed 8 pounds 6 oz and Sutton weighed 8 pounds.  And the girls are gaining at a steady half ounce to ounce per day, so I am guessing Avery is closer to 9 pounds and Sutton is closer to 8 1/2 pounds. Finally bigger than newborn size! That means we can start wearing the 0 to 3 month size, which means a bigger variety of clothes. You may notice in the pictures ahead that Sutton is in the same pants as her 2 month photos. Fashion Fail on my part. Oh well.

sleep: The girls are doing better and better by the day. We put them down sometime between 8:30 and 9 pm and they sleep until their 11:30 pm feeding. Then they sleep again until their 5 am feeding. Hopefully we can kick the 11:30 pm feeding if they can start handling more mils per day time feedings. Fingers crossed. I hope to have that 11:30 pm feeding gone by the time I go back to work in 3 weeks. Any suggestions on how to get them ready?

eats: The girls love their milk and love it every 3 hours during the day.  Don't mess with their schedule otherwise you will have screaming babies.  The girls are currently eating 85 to 90 mils per feeding and chowing it down fast. We hope to move up to 90 to 95 mils soon. The girls act like they still are hungry, but we are battling a bit of spit up after some daytime feedings. Is this normal? It is only minor amounts. Are we safe to up them a bit?

loves: They love their new Wubba Nubs. And so does mommy and daddy. They keep their pacis in better now since we can prop them in and put the animal in the blanket to help. They love their milk, cuddling, smiling, hands, sitting up, mommy and daddy, their carseats and going out (to dinner, shopping, whatever it is they love being on the move).

dislikes: I would say bath time is still a love hate because one bath they love it and the next they cry some of it.  They also hate being naked, diaper changes, when mommy leaves their sight and when they lose their pacis.

My girls have changed so much in such a short time. It seems like one day they were just learning to smile and now they smile all the time. They have also found their hands and love putting them in their mouths and grabbing everything in sight including mommy's hair, necklaces, toys, their pacis, blankets, etc. The girls have started cooing and talking thanks to mommy's crazy sounds she makes at them. Whatever it takes to get them to talk, right?

The girls are gaining so much neck strength that it is hard to keep their heads down for burping sessions. They would rather look around at everything. The good news is, they are almost rolling over. It is so much fun to see the changes from week to week. I am going to miss it when they go to daycare. I hate the thought of not being with the girls all day, everyday, but this will be good for all of us (or at least I keep telling myself this).

Advice on how to transition from home life to daycare life?

3 month picture outtakes

My Case of Mastitis

Mastitis and Breast Abscess.  Two things a breastfeeding/pumping mom never wants to hear or experience.  And this momma had both.

It all started on Friday, February 27th.  I started to feel a lump in my right breast.  As the day progressed it got red and hot to the touch.  I just left it be and started my weekend of breastfeeding. 

See we rented a scale from our local lactation place at the hospital for the weekend.  We wanted to see how much milk the girls were getting with each breastfeeding session and see if we wanted to continue down the road of breastfeeding or pumping.  The girls got various amounts of breast milk that weekend.  Sometimes they got enough (around 80 mils) and other times they barely got any in a 20 minute session (around 24 mils).  Those times where they barely got any milk, I would have to pump and supplement feed them.  This was a long process and not to mention, my breast hurt every time I pumped or they fed.

By Saturday night, I couldn't bare it anymore, so I took to good ole google and looked up my symptoms.  Most said mastitis, clogged milk duct or abscess.  They recommended to keep pumping and breastfeeding, but also massage.  The massaging killed me.  It made my breast hurt more than it did before the massage.  I started taking ibuprofen and just dealing with it.

Monday rolls around and we have to take the scale back to the lactation connection.  I asked them to take a look at my breast, but there wasn't a nurse there.  One girl took a look and said go to my OB ASAP.  Then a nurse came in and she told me I have mastitis and I need antibiotics from my OB.  So I called them, they filled a prescription and off I went.

I took the antibiotics as directed and continued to pump.  I was so over the breastfeeding because the girls needed supplementing every time.  By Wednesday, I was starting to feel better and I felt the lump getting smaller.  Good news.  But by Thursday night, it seemed worse.

This whole time I was taking ibuprofen, pumping and just dealing with it.  Friday, March 6th, I got my hair done and it was amazing.  I had a few hours away from the girls while my mom watched them and I got to do something for myself.  But on the drive home, I could barely stand the seatbelt on my breast.  When I got home, I asked my mom what she thought.  She said go to the doctor, and so I did.

But I had to see a midwife as my doctor had already left the office.  She said I had a very bad case of mastitis and I needed to go to the ER.  I contemplated going or not because I hate going to the hospital and it couldn't be that bad.  But in the end I went.  And after being seen by the nurse (after check in) she told me it was really bad, to move my car to valet and they would move me to first for triage.  Cue tears, calls to my mom and dad and panic.

I didn't want to bug my husband who was golfing until I knew more.  Well it turns out I had a major breast abscess and they were considering surgery.  So I called my husband, left him messages and waited.  My dad showed up to keep me company and support me.  We kept my mom in the loop since she was watching the girls.  Finally my husband called and we told him the news and that I would keep him posted.  Well he left golf after hole 9 (I still feel bad that he had to leave) even before my dad and I could tell him to stay and finish since I had my dad there.

They did some blood work, put in an ivy, gave me awesome pain meds and we waited for an ultrasound.  My husband showed up and we waited while tons of doctors checked my abscess out.  Finally we went to pre-op for an ultrasound.  But the surgeon checked out my abscess and said he didn't even need an ultrasound to see how bad and deep the infection was....it was really bad.  Like the worst case he had ever seen and he deals with breast stuff all.the.time.

So I had surgery.  And I had to be put under since it was that bad.  Normally, a local anesthetic is given and you are awake, but he said this would be way too painful.  So I had a thirty minute surgery to cut open my abscess and clean out the pus and infection.  Plus an irrigation of the wound.  So crazy and finally out of pain.

I was pretty bummed to hear that I would be staying overnight since I needed a heavy course of antibiotics and they wanted to monitor me.  I went over 24 hours without seeing my babies.  Heartbreaking, but knowing my mom took care of them all day (until 10 pm) and then my husband was with them made it better.

I have been recovering since then.  My husband has to change my bandages twice a day because I have an open wound on my chest.  See you can't stitch it up as it needs to drain and heal from the inside out.  And you can't put a drain in it either because it breeds infection.  So I have an open wound covered in bandages.  The first dressing change at the hospital was the worst.  My pain killers hadn't kicked in yet and as a result there was screams, whimpers and moans.  So painful and gross.  But as the days go on, it gets better.  And I know to take pain killers before changing the dressing.  The open air and the tender broken nerves are too much to handle without pain killers.

But the good news is, it is healing.  I had my post-op check up last Wednesday and things were looking good.  And today I have another post-op appointment.  Hopefully it closes soon.  It definitely has gotten shallow and smaller, but still open.

Lesson learned.  Go to the doctor early on and get it fixed sooner.  I was part of the 1% who get an abscess from mastitis, so it doesn't happen that often, but mastitis does.

And that is why I have barely been on here.  I have been on pain killers, trying to recover and helping my mother-in-law and husband take care of our babies.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone as it is quite painful.  I even considered stopping pumping all together, but I want to go as long as I can.  So I grin and bare it.  Plus it is a lot less painful now than when I had the abscess.  At least the wound is on the side of my breast and not by the nipple.  But I can tell you it has really affected my milk supply.  It went way down!  I am trying to get it back up, and continuing to pump every 3 hours.  I am also trying mothers milk tea, oatmeal and beer.  Let's hope it gets back up to normal before we go through our entire freezer stash of milk.  We are down a bin and a half.  So sad to see it go that fast.

For more information on mastitis, click here.  And for additional information on breast abscesses, click here.

2 Month Update

I know I am way late on this two month update on the girls, but that is because I had a bad case of mastitis and a breast abscess, so please forgive me.   The girls turned two months on February 28th or March 1st since their birthday is the 29th and there was no 29th in February.

So without further ado...the girls two month update.

Sutton

Avery

nicknames: Avery: Avery Girl, Avey, Turkette  Sutton: Sutton Muffin, Suttey, Turkette

weight: As of March 2nd (the last time I weighed the girls using the lactation's scale) the girls were doing amazing on weight gain.  Sutton weighed 6 pounds 12.5 ounces and Avery weighed 7 pounds 4.8 ounces.  I am guessing they are both over 8 pounds since it is the 16th already.

sleep: This literally changes daily.  One day, the girls will sleep 5 hours (like last night) and then the next one baby is keeping this momma up between the 11:30 pm and 3:30 am feeding.  We have implemented a new schedule where we put the girls in their halo sleepsacks after their 8 pm feeding and put them in their cribs until their 11:30 pm feeding.  So far it has been working and we usually only have to go into their room a few times right after we put them down.  We are working on transitioning to their cribs full time.  Just trying to cut out the 3:30 am feeding and stretch it to 5 am.

Side note, did any of you moms use rice cereal in their bottles at their night time feeding to help them sleep longer?  And if so, at what age did you start it?

eats: The girls love their milk and love it every 3 hours during the day.  Don't mess with their schedule otherwise you will have screaming babies.  I was trying breastfeeding for a whole weekend and that weekend I developed my massive breast abscess so we have decided to only breastfeed in public or when necessary.  This momma is still recovering.  More on that tomorrow.

loves: They love their pacis.  #PaciLife  They also love being cuddled, starting to love bath time, eating, looking around and exploring, grasping moms hair and anything else they can get their hands on.

dislikes: I would say bath time is still a love hate because one bath they love it and the next they cry some of it.  They also hate being naked and diaper changes.

The girls have changed so much from month one (right after we brought them home from the NICU) to month two.  They are starting to show their personalities more and smile a ton.  Oh it melts my heart when they smile.  I can't believe I only have 5 more weeks at home with them (as of today and not at 2 months).  Time flies.  It really needs to slow down so I can savor every last baby second.

Avery laughing and smiling

Sutton

Mommy loves you girls more than anything!

Minor Leave

So sorry I haven't posted in awhile.  But I have good reason.  Mastitis and breast abscess. Two things no breastfeeding/pumping mommy wants to hear.

I had planned a 2 month baby update with photos and all, but that has yet to be written. I also planned my Influenster VoxBox reveal. Again that has not been written. A weekend update, a day in the life of a mommy during maternity leave and so on. But none of those have been written because I have been in pain. Lots of pain. Pain that I ignored. And now I'm laid up at home on pain killers. Not ideal.

But my mother in law has been here helping with the girls, so I plan to write a few posts tomorrow while I have some down time.  So get ready for all the lovely details of mastitis and how it progressed into an abscess.  Plus some cuteness from my baby girls and hopefully a review of some awesome products I received.

Stay tuned...

Our Twin Girls Newborn Photos

We were so fortunate enough to have a friend gift us a newborn photo shoot for the girls.  I couldn't wait to get pro pics done to showcase our beautiful baby girls.  I never got the opportunity to do maternity photos because I delivered so early.  I guess I should have listened to everyone when they said to get them done at 7 months.  Oh well, maybe next time, if there is a next time.  So I knew I had to have newborn photos done ASAP.  But then the girls spent a lot of time in the NICU (26 and 27 days to be exact), so while these aren't quite newborn photos, the girls look like newborns in them.

So without further ado, here is a sampling of my baby girls.

 Sutton Kira Butler

 Avery Madison Butler

 Avery

 Sutton

8 Week Babies

So I know I haven't been around these parts lately.  But now that I am alone with the girls for the next 8 weeks, I plan to really focus on my blog while my darlings sleep.

Life has been pretty good to us lately.  We had daddy home for three weeks which meant lots of trips out to breakfast and Target.  I love going to Target and we must have been several times a week.  I wasn't complaining.

Then daddy went back to work last week, but my sweet mom came to the rescue and helped me take care of the babies.  Not only is my mom a rockstar when it comes to anything babies, but I got to have real adult interaction all week.  And she even prepped meals for us all week.  We truly won the lottery with having my mom help us.  The girls love their grandma so much.

But now I am on my own.  First feeding down and many more to go.  Luckily, my dear husband is going to take over parenting duties after work so this momma can get a massage and facial.  Not a bad way to break in my first week alone with the girls.

And speaking of the girls, they are getting so big.  I am not sure how big as we have their 2 month pediatrician appointment tomorrow (shots and all), but they have developed so much.

We finally took their newborn photos 2 1/2 weeks ago.  Better late than never, right?  The girls are 40 1/2 weeks technically, but they have been "born" for 8 weeks now.  I can't believe it has been 8 weeks with my precious babies.  Life surely has changed, but for the better.

I plan on doing a 2 month update later this week, but in the meantime, check out what the babies have been up to lately.

 The girls love going on walks

 Who is on the left and who is on the right??

And here is a sneak peak of their newborn photo shoot, which I plan to post photos this week.  Promise.

Sutton and Avery's Birth Story Part 2

For Part 1 of Sutton and Avery's Birth Story, click here.

We left off with my husband and I, my nurses and my doctor making the decision that I would need an emergency c-section.  A decision I knew could happen while planning my birth preferences, but something I never intended on happening.

Once my ivy was in and everything was prepped in the OR, they wheeled me down.  My husband walked by my side telling me he loves me and that we would get to meet our girls so soon and he was so proud of me.

That husband of mine, let me tell you, he is the best thing to ever happen to me.  He is my rock.  He watched everything happen and kept it together.  He was there for me and for our children.  He is far from being selfish.  I love this man more than life itself.

Once I got into the OR, they had me get on the operating table.  Let me tell you, it was really cold in the OR.  I kept asking for a blanket, but had to wait until I got my spinal.

They had me sit on the edge of the table and hold onto my nurse.  I put my head on her shoulders and wrapped my feet around her calves.  And I waited and waited while shaking.  It took about 15 to 20 minutes to get everything prepped for my spinal.  Then it was go time.  I had to sit still, really still, so the anesthesiologist could give me a local and then the spinal.  I could feel the spinal, but it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be.  Then they helped me lay down and asked if I could feel anything.

We waited for the spinal to work and then I asked where my husband was and to not start without him.  Soon enough they brought him in and he kissed my forehead and said soon we get to meet our little girls.

Now my husband said he didn't want to look over the curtain (this was when we had our talks about labor and delivery before), but when it was go time and he was asked by the doctor, he said yes.  So my husband talked to me, kissed my forehead and watched our girls come into the world.

Now I don't know exactly what all happened while having my c-section as parts are really fuzzy, but the rest of the story is from my recollection and my husbands account of events.  And warning, the pictures are sort of graphic.

NICU beds all set up for the girls arrival

The doctor told me they were making the incision and my husband looked over the curtain.  Not much time passed and they pulled out Sutton Kira Butler.

Sutton cried immediately and she passed her apgar with an 7 and then an 8.  She was happy to get out of mommy's belly.  Sutton was born on December 29, 2014 at 2:37 am weighing 3 pounds, 15 oz and 17 3/4 inches long.

Next up was Miss Avery.  Now Avery was way up in my rib cage area and not so ready to come out.  But within seconds of taking Sutton out, Avery Madison Butler came into this world.  Avery was born on December 29, 2014 at 2:37 am weighing 4 pounds, 8 oz and 17 1/2 inches long.

Avery took a few breaths and let out a cry, but then she had some trouble breathing.  The nurses said she had an apgar of 5, then 6, then 7, but she had to be revived a bit (breaks my heart).

My husband then went over to the girls to cut their umbilical cords.

Sutton

Avery

Next it was time to deliver my placenta.  At this point, I was asking a ton of questions about the girls and asking if I could see them.  I could only see Sutton's incubator at this time and a bit of her, but I couldn't see Avery.  Also I knew something was wrong from the look on my husband's face and the anesthesiologists face.

My placenta broke inside, so they couldn't save it for us.  We wanted to dry it out and put it in a pill form, so I could take it to prevent/help with postpartum.  But when my husband asked about it, they said it had to go to pathology since it broke inside.  Once they got it out, they pulled my uterus outside of my body to massage it.  They needed it to contract and it wouldn't.  My husband said this was pretty gross to watch considering my insides were on the outside.

I was pretty out of it and losing a ton of blood at this point

I went in and out of consciousness at this point.  I was losing a bunch of blood, over 2 liters to be exact, and the anesthesiologist kept giving me shots in my shoulder and put another ivy in my right hand.  I must have had at least 10 or more shots in my shoulder.  I remember hearing them say they might have to do a hysterectomy if they couldn't get my uterus to contract.  

I closed my eyes and remember saying/thinking, I am going to die.  I have never felt so scared in my life.  I have never felt so weak in my life.  I felt like I was slipping away.  I was unconscious at one point and my anesthesiologist kept waking me up saying I needed to stay with him.  All the while, my husband is watching this go down.  He has me losing a lot of blood and his babies are about to be wheeled off to the NICU.  

The anesthesiologist told him he needed to go to the NICU with the babies.  I remember hearing this and my husband asking if he should go or stay with me.  The anesthesiologist told him to go.  And so he went.

They were still working on me and I was still out of it.  Eventually they got my uterus to contract before having to take it out.  Thank god.  I am so happy they saved it because we may want more children and I want that option.  I am so grateful the doctors did everything they could to save me and my uterus.  

I had to have a blood transfusion due to the amount of blood loss.  I will spare the photos that show the wall of bloody cloths they used on me since it is pretty graphic, but know there was 16 bloody cloths on a pocket wall.  

Once my husband was in the NICU with the girls, he was told that I was in recovery and they saved my uterus.

I only vaguely remember them transferring me from the operating room to the recovery room.  But once I was in recovery, my husband came in, and he came in with ice chips.  So happy for this as I was so dehydrated.  After awhile, my mom came in to see me and I started to feel better.  Maybe it was the demorall and morphine shots they gave me to stop shaking.  Either way, I started to feel better.  Well other than when they check your uterus and push on it to make sure it has contracted.  Ouch and they do that every hour.  That hurts so bad!

We stayed in the hospital for 5 days.  And in those 5 days, I lost all modesty, gained two new baby girls, also gained a new love for my husband as a daddy, and experienced a whole lotta love.

This wasn't exactly the labor/birth I imagined, but it got my babies here safe and sound.

And if you read through the whole two parts, way to go.