Oh Hey, Friday, I am Finally Back

As I sit here at home on this crisp Friday morning, I feel my heart exploding at the seams.  It may not be the life I had in mind after delivery, but it is my life.  My life now consists of breast pumping eight times a day to bring breast milk to my little girls twice a day.  It also consists of going to the hospital twice a day.

I never thought I would be going back to the hospital so much.  Back in 2002, I spent about 3 1/2 weeks at the hospital daily.  My friend April was in a bad car accident which resulted in ICU care.  Now fast forward 12 years and I am back in the ICU, only this time it is the Neonatal ICU.

My heart breaks for all the babies there.  My head shoots up every time I hear any alarm go off, even if it isn't one of my babies because I never want to see a child go through this.

Life may be hard right now for my husband and I, but it is harder for our girls.  They are fighting to grow, to breath-suck-swallow (all at the same time while taking a bottle) and regulate their body temperatures.  And when they sleep, they grow.

We are blessed to be able to go see them twice a day (believe me this momma wouldn't leave, but has to) where we take their temperatures, we change them, we feed them and we cuddle them.  It melts my heart.  I can't get enough of their smell and I shower them with kisses.  And when I see my husband kiss their little foreheads, I burst at the seams.  Too precious beyond words.

But NICU life comes with tears, set backs and fear.  I just try to take it one day at a time and know that we are one day closer to taking these babies home.  So please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers.

In the meantime, I am joining up with Karli from September Farm for Oh Hey, Friday.  My first one in a long time.

Here are my five things I am grateful for.

One.  My husband.  He has been through a lot these last two weeks.  My my pre-labor, to my dramatic delivery (story to come soon) to only seeing our girls once a day during the week.  He has held it together pretty well and I couldn't go through this without him.  He is beyond amazing.

Two.  My two beautiful baby girls.  I never knew how powerful love could be until I met these two.  From the moment I saw these girls, I knew my life changed.  They are my everything.  I can't get enough of them.  From their smell, to the kisses to the finger grabs.  These girls are my perfect.

Three.  My pup, Walter.  He has been a trooper through this whole change in his life.  He may not get as many walks right now, but we are still spoiling him with lots of love, fetch and cuddles.  I think Walter is having just as hard of a time as we are.  When we came home without the girls, he got really depressed and wouldn't leave my bellies side.  He couldn't sense their heartbeats anymore and has been really sad over it.  So we let him smell us after holding the girls, we bring him things the girls laid on and try to let him know his sisters are coming home soon.

Four.  Family.  My family (both in-laws and my own) have been really amazing and there for us.  They were there everyday while I was in the hospital.  My dad came up daily in the afternoon, so my husband could go home and shower and relax a bit.  Then he came back up everyday with my mom after work.  My mother-in-law has taken me to the hospital almost everyday this week to see the girls since I can't drive until next week.  Our families have brought us love, gifts, comfort and prayer. 

Five.  Friends.  Our friends have really reached out to us during our NICU time.  Friends have brought us care packages, flowers and now even meals.  We have some friends who went through the same thing as us, and have offered kind words, their story and meals in our time in need.  Who has time to really cook a meal when all they want to do is go see their girls?  Truly blessed I tell you.